What is this, a Sunday blog? It wasn’t supposed to be this way!<\/p>\n
I’m not going to dwell on it, though, just gotta keep posting when I can.<\/p>\n
I haven’t learned much, mostly because it takes half the class twice as long to keep up, but I’m getting through it. It can get a little aggravating, or more often boring.<\/p>\n
Writing these posts should really be a morning thing, I’m just out of it at the end of the day. I can’t believe I used to do all of my writing overnight. I can’t even imagine staying up all night anymore. It’s sad, in a way.<\/p>\n
I sometimes get these panic moments where I wonder if I should be doing this job in general. What’s that line from Fight Club?<\/em> “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.” Not that I should really be listening that hard to Tyler Durden. <\/p>\n I get the sense that this kind of job would be a lot more bearable, more acceptable, if I had a family of my own, that is that I somehow joined or created without the family that came before me. I notice all these other people I work with, they have children, husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends. I see these people and I try to figure out how I fit in, if I do at all. It’s a struggle.<\/p>\n Finding the motivation for living is a tricky thing, and I’m trying. I can’t get over this sense of dread that I’ll never really figure it out, though. I keep going, but why? I don’t know.<\/p>\n I try to picture myself in these scenarios with other people, but it always looks fake and unnatural. I always feel like I shouldn’t be so lonely, but when I think about it I almost have to consider myself lucky that I am. Imagine how fucked up my life would be if I actually had to care about other people. Could I even do it? How long before I get totally bored and have to pretend I’m interested in this other person? I see that all the time too, so I can’t really feel that bad about myself.<\/p>\n Then again, it’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What is this, a Sunday blog? It wasn’t supposed to be this way! I’m not going to dwell on it, though, just gotta keep posting when I can. I haven’t learned much, mostly because it takes half the class twice as long to keep up, but I’m getting through it. It can get a little […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[130,152,124],"class_list":["post-438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-angst","tag-blog","tag-ed"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=438"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":440,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions\/440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}