{"id":487,"date":"2013-01-20T23:55:20","date_gmt":"2013-01-21T07:55:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/?p=487"},"modified":"2013-01-21T00:58:04","modified_gmt":"2013-01-21T08:58:04","slug":"sunday-whatevers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/?p=487","title":{"rendered":"Sunday whatevers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Isabel's<\/a>
Bit wobbly in the middle<\/figcaption><\/figure>I’m pretty disappointed with myself right now.<\/p>\n

I had an ideal day, according to Peter Gibbons from Office Space.<\/em> I did nothing, and it was everything he would have hoped for. On top of this, the 49ers won, I had ice cream for dinner, and booze in my coke. I watched decent TV programs. I was not uncomfortable. I barely opened my mouth. Nothing important happened.<\/p>\n

I hate that I’m content to do nothing all day, but not enough to get up and put clothes on. I fear that I would rather have a day like today than a day like yesterday.<\/p>\n

Yesterday I had a small production meeting, wrote some emails, planned for the future, spent time with my family, went to a friends birthday party, had strangers (or at least strange people) in my car, ate exotic (for me) foods, stayed out past my bedtime, and played a multiplayer game with actual people. <\/p>\n

Which day did I enjoy more? If I remove the day job from my point of view, how would I want to spend my time? I’m having a hard time deciding. Loneliness can be depressing, but is a little depression enough of a punishment to make me want to change? Is the chance for fun, companionship, and better (physical and mental) health enough of a carrot to get me out my front door?<\/p>\n

The answer is, sadly, no.<\/p>\n

Intellectually, I know I should be trying to have more days like yesterday. In my mind I know those days are more important. It’s good to seize the day, be creative, make friends. So I feel very guilty after a day like today makes me feel good inside. I don’t have the passion for nihilism that Peter Gibbons has, so I can’t really enjoy myself, but then I don’t have passion for much of anything anymore, so what’s the alternative?<\/p>\n

I’d like to know more people but I don’t like people enough to get to know them. <\/p>\n

I wish I could figure this out. I wish I could hit my head and have one of those lucky, prosperous brain injuries that would cure me of my inhibitions. I sure seem to beating myself up enough to cause a metaphorical concussion, and not of the brain-fixing kind. I suspect that has more to do with it than anything. It’s a depression. The biggest hindrance to myself is myself. Man, I wish I could kill that guy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m pretty disappointed with myself right now. I had an ideal day, according to Peter Gibbons from Office Space. I did nothing, and it was everything he would have hoped for. On top of this, the 49ers won, I had ice cream for dinner, and booze in my coke. I watched decent TV programs. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[152,137,138],"class_list":["post-487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-blog","tag-depression","tag-existentialism"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=487"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":494,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487\/revisions\/494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.edsoftfilms.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}