Oh! Right. Sunday.

I need to figure out a way to wake up early enough to get back to writing regularly again. Since I’m writing this last minute when I should be asleep already, this probably won’t happen tomorrow.

It’s kind of interesting, in the same way a train wreck is interesting, how tiring this job I have can be. I mean it’s not physically difficult. I sit on a chair, look at papers, type on a computer…so why is it when I get home I’m so exhausted? I was less exhausted when I was running around all day doing god knows what.

Now that I’ve been at least partly trained, I’m handling regular customers. I find that people who have their shit together don’t usually come to the DMV (at least, not for vehicle registration, which is all they’ve trained me for). The people who have their shit together can handle all this through the mail. So the only customers I end up dealing with are the ones with complicated issues.

‘I haven’t paid my registration in 6 years. –What do you mean those fees are due?! The car isn’t even worth that much!’

‘This took six months to process, why am I still paying for a complete year’s registration?’

Of course, my first week back from training, I get all the transactions we weren’t trained for. Seems like half the time spent in class could have been spent teaching us how to handle these crazy situations. Screw this ‘by the book’ crap. Nothing gets solved when you go by the book.

Instagram Photo

I’m just saying, it would have been nice to go over some of these issues in the time we were making origami.

One particularly bad day, I was in the process of giving a customer a $2000 break (with supervision, of course, don’t come to my window and expect me to waive your fees automatically). So while we’re bending these rules for this guy, just to get him outta there, this woman in the waiting area starts yelling ‘my husband is having a heart attack.’ 911 gets called. ‘Why are you just staring? Help me!’ Wasn’t much we could do, paramedics on their way, go back to work as usual. I think the paramedics made it on time, they were able to help the guy, and I hope he’s alright, wherever he is…but that’s kind of a trip. A guy is over there dying 20 feet away and the only thing you can do is continue helping the customer at your window. ‘Now serving F057 at window #1′

Maybe this week will go better. But tomorrow won’t if I don’t go to sleep right now.

More, eventually.

 

Lucky thirteen.

My first stretch of training completed, I will officially be put to work at the job I was hired for about 5 months ago.

And I no longer get to coast as though I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’ve neglected this blog for a couple extra hours of sleep these last few weeks, and I’m disappointed in myself. I suppose I knew this would happen eventually. My original plan of leaving early and working at the Starbucks has kind of fallen apart.

Just in general, driving to work is highly stressful and expensive. I must figure out an alternative. Conveniently, May is bike month. The only real way to get to my job from BART is by way of a 30 minute bike ride. I think this BART/bike solution is the most sound plan, because it costs less and provides me with a great opportunity for exercise. Consequently, it multiplies the commute time by at least 3. Also, I’ll be coming in to work, tired, sweaty, and probably hungry.

My 9 hour day will become a 12 hour day, I’ll have even less time to do ‘extra curriculars.’ I’ll always be tired. I’ll subject myself to terrible noise pollution. I’ll drive up the likeliness that I’ll be late.

I dunno, is all of that worth a couple hundred bucks a month?

Is this job even worth the salary I’m getting?

It’s very hard to say. I need help.

 

What is this, a Sunday blog? It wasn’t supposed to be this way!

I’m not going to dwell on it, though, just gotta keep posting when I can.

I haven’t learned much, mostly because it takes half the class twice as long to keep up, but I’m getting through it. It can get a little aggravating, or more often boring.

Writing these posts should really be a morning thing, I’m just out of it at the end of the day. I can’t believe I used to do all of my writing overnight. I can’t even imagine staying up all night anymore. It’s sad, in a way.

I sometimes get these panic moments where I wonder if I should be doing this job in general. What’s that line from Fight Club? “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.” Not that I should really be listening that hard to Tyler Durden.

I get the sense that this kind of job would be a lot more bearable, more acceptable, if I had a family of my own, that is that I somehow joined or created without the family that came before me. I notice all these other people I work with, they have children, husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends. I see these people and I try to figure out how I fit in, if I do at all. It’s a struggle.

Finding the motivation for living is a tricky thing, and I’m trying. I can’t get over this sense of dread that I’ll never really figure it out, though. I keep going, but why? I don’t know.

I try to picture myself in these scenarios with other people, but it always looks fake and unnatural. I always feel like I shouldn’t be so lonely, but when I think about it I almost have to consider myself lucky that I am. Imagine how fucked up my life would be if I actually had to care about other people. Could I even do it? How long before I get totally bored and have to pretend I’m interested in this other person? I see that all the time too, so I can’t really feel that bad about myself.

Then again, it’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.

 

Oh crap. It’s Sunday.

Gotta put something up…so tired. Sore. Achey. But I’ll be okay.

I’m out in Sacramento for my training. I’m not sure how it’s going to go, but I’ll try to make a report on anything interesting.

I’m sure there’s lots of things to do here in the state capitol. People tell me there’s lots of restaurants. There’s a minor league baseball team. There’s a historic train museum. I also have at least one friend near by.

Should be an eventful week. Can I keep up with this site at the same time? We’ll see.

Other things to note: still need to review 3 movies, new tv shows, and records. Last Saturday was record store day, and I splurged. That should come later though.

Anyways, hang tight everyone.

 

Had a few dreams last night. Freshest one found me lighting fire crackers on the sidewalk by my house. I get a little freaked out when I see thus bright red light, thinking I started a fire, but after frantically trying to find that fire to put it out, I realize it’s just an especially vibrant sunrise.

This begs the question, why was I lighting fire crackers before dawn?

What’s that line in The Lord Of The Rings about a red dawn? Blood has been spilt this night? I don’t think my subconscious was working on that level.

The actual sunrise was not so vibrant.

Sunrise

Sunrise...what sunrise?

Interestingly, the sleep report suggests I finally got a good night sleep:

Sleep report for April 16-17, 2012

See those valleys? I never get those! It’s cool. I wonder if it has anything to do with me sleeping the opposite direction on my bed. Maybe I’ve been getting up on the wrong side this whole time. I suppose I’ll find out tonight.

 

10 weeks!

But it’s really been more like 8.

I didn’t bring my laptop with me the last two weeks, mostly because of a lack of sleep and a case of sickness.

I just didn’t feel like working, you know? I certainly didn’t feel like leaving 2 hours early to write this blog. I had a hard enough time getting out the door on time for my actual job.

It’s a bad habit though, this not writing thing.

Since I haven’t had my computer, and I haven’t been writing, why have I spent any money at Starbucks? It’s just stupid, now that I think about it. Here’s hoping that next year, I can write off all that coffee on my taxes.

Speaking of, I just finished last year’s taxes, and I should get $34 back! Ugh.

It is pretty expensive though, this coffee habit. It’s good to have some place to work and so on, but is it worth the money I don’t have? Probably not.

But if I don’t go to Starbucks, what will happen to this blog?

I guess I’ll keep going until I run out of cash on my Starbucks card.

So what’s to look forward to?

I feel like I still owe you a review for Casa De Mi Padre and John Carter. I’ll get to it. Also, last week, in spite of my sickness, I went and saw Lockout at an advance screening. I wrote about Ghost Rider, I can write about Lockout.

It’s the beginning of a new season for many TV shows, specifically anime. There’s at least a few shows I want to watch, and I should find the time to talk about them here.  Sometime this week I’ll come up with a post of what I’m looking forward to, at least.

Also, in the last two weeks, Major League Baseball has started back up. I’m not sure if there’s much for me to say about it yet, but maybe I can come up with something.

Anyway, it’s already pretty late, and this post has too many short paragraphs. I think it’s time for bed. Goodnight everybody.

 

Still feeling kinda sick from the weekend. I don’t feel like I’m sleeping enough. I’m almost definitely not eating right. And the weather is very oppressive.

To put it bluntly: Regular posts will resume when I can shit normally again*.

*Regular posts may never resume.

You were warned!

 

This is what my sleep pattern looks like the day after food poisoning.

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That’s all I got this morning. Still kind of in a ‘I don’t wanna do anything’ mood.

More later.

Apr 082012
 

Been sick, and tired all week. No writing. Bad Ed.

Hopefully next week will be better.

Have a zen Kermit in the mean time.

Instagram Photo

 

Fading fast from memory, but my dream last night came out of nowhere.

I was in some place like France, at some kind of cavern/Victorian era natural history museum, with offices next to the Louvre or something. And I was there doing some type of da Vinci code bullshit with this random spy woman I’ve never met, on contract by Death itself. Had to run through this cave and trip alarms and pick up some kind of deed. Get split up from the chick, end up on the street where Death is waiting in a car, sitting next to him is whatever the fuck this thing in panel 7 is.

Deliver the deed, death speeds off, and that’s the end.

What could it mean?

Anyway, here’s the sleep chart, maybe somebody can put 2 and 2 together.

Sleep report for April 1-2, 2012

Sleep report for April 1-2, 2012

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